Mosesstopit_2

Okay, Okay, I know I keep posting humorous pieces on this website, so maybe I’ll just change the name to "Chris Brady’s Whatever He Feels Like Posting Blog" or something catchy like that.  In the meantime, enjoy the following list (tastefully culled down to the funniest ones) of actual flawed church bulletins.  Most of us have seen these before, but for some reason they don’t get old.  Special thanks goes out to Nik Palomaki for the contribution!  Thanks for the laugh, and may everyone else enjoy these as much as I!

1. Don’t let worry kill you – let the church help.

2. Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

4. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7. Tuesday at 4:00 pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed accompanied by the pastor."

9. Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.

10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.

14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

18. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

25. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

27. The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours."

28. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

33. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

34. Ushers will eat latecomers.

50. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

51. Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

52. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

53. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

54. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

57. The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.

58. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

61. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

19. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

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8 responses to “Church Bulletin Humor”

  1. Dean Clouse Avatar

    I thought I liked my church, but I’ve got to go to this church next week!

    Like

  2. Deb Symons Avatar
    Deb Symons

    Hey Chris those were great! Reminds me of a typo that I caught at the grocery store a few years back, it said:
    “CHICKEN BEAST” $1.99 lb.
    I went to find the butcher and asked him for that sign, and got it. Sure caught a good laugh from many people!

    Like

  3. kckarate Avatar
    kckarate

    Check out the book “Anguished English” by Richard Lederer for tons of these accidental slip-ups. Seriously though, don’t read it in a public place. People will think you are nuts as hard as you will be laughing.
    Get the original book if possible. The follow-up books to it “More Anguished English” and others aren’t as good as the original in my opinion.

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  4. Chris Brady Avatar
    Chris Brady

    kckarate:
    Thanks for the recommendation! I am always looking for great humor sources like that!
    Chris

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  5. David Miller Avatar
    David Miller

    Laughter is the best medicine. I laughed so hard that i cried at each one. Whew, I feel better all ready. Thanks!

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  6. benjamin_rush Avatar
    benjamin_rush

    Chris, I saw an epic one that said “weight watchers meeting at 6pm tonight, please use double doors on the side of the church.”

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  7. Justin Kurtz Avatar

    Nothing like a little humor to pick up a Friday! Number 9 is my favorite

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  8. Dave Nelson Avatar
    Dave Nelson

    It reminds me of the church story about the BC.

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