One of the biggest challenges leaders of all types will face is the difficulty in dealing with people.  Some people are easy to deal with, while others can be tough.  But it’s even more complicated than that.  Sometimes the easiest people to get along with harbor quiet resentments, while the difficult ones will at least "tell it to you like it is."  Additionally, each person is a fallen, sinful creature, (as is the leader!), with foibles, quirks, oddities, fears, blindspots, and weaknesses.  Then there are gender differences, culture differences, age differences, religious differences, differing world-views, hormonal influences, sicknesses, and mood swings!  Wow!  What a list! (And I am sure through reader comments to this article that we could expand the list even further!)

Like it or not, a leader must learn to deal with all these issues in a continually effective way.  Leaders without people skills will not be leaders for long, if at all.  It is amazing for me to see this displayed time and again: people who think they are leading that can’t get along with others!  Remember, leadership is with, for, and about others.  If you can’t succeed in starting and maintaining valuable relationships over time, you will not be able to lead effectively! Period.

Further, let me mention that I believe there are two periods of "people skills" to be considered.  The first category deals with initial impressions.  These include the ability to "come across well" to others, the ability to build quick rapport, and the capability of connecting with strangers by finding common ground or identifying areas of respect.  The second area is maintaining relationships with people over the long haul.

There are five main books we recommend people read on a recurring basis to grow and continue to improve in their ability to work with people:

1. The Magic of Thinking Big, David Schwartz

2. How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

3. How I Raised Myself from Failure to Success in Selling, Frank Betzger

4. How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People, Les Giblin

5. Personality Plus, Florence Littauer

These five books will cover a broad range of approaches and principles that have been proven extremely effective in elevating one’s ability to deal with other people.  Of course there are other books I could recommend, but reading these five over and over will hurt no one.

Now, let’s delve a little deeper.  I believe the best way to develop "people skills" is to forget about the "skills" part of this for a moment.  First, it is important for one to get one’s heart right toward people.  This, I believe, like everything else, can only come through faith in Christ and the resulting Biblical world-view.  Without a true and proper understanding of WHO you are, and WHO’S you are, you will not have a real heart for people.  Understanding that others are created by God in His image, with their own special and unique design, while simultaneously understanding one’s own fallen condition and need of Grace, relations with people will be strained and continually incoherent.  This is because we will not be interested in serving others, but in having them serve us.  Also, we will be more interested in winning "battles" with people and squabling with them when we feel affronted, offended, and wounded.  We will feel that we are righteously indignant when wrongs are done to us and will not be forgiving of others.

With the proper Biblical view, however, a heart for others is readily at hand.  The Bible teaches that we are to love our neighbor, and we are to be as forgiving of others as the Savior is of us.  For those of us that are believers, we are commanded to be as salt and light in a fallen world.  This means that our Godly example is meant to be a witness for the God in heaven that is the power behind our ability to love others.

See why I said that this rises above mere "skills" and gets into "heart" issues?  Truly, the best way to have "people skills" is to begin with getting our hearts right toward others.  If we don’t, the "skills" may open some doors, fool some people, and get us some results for a while.  But eventually, our hearts for ourselves, rather than for others, will be found out, and as a result people will lose trust in us and over will flee from our influence.

Okay, now that that is accomplished (as though it were that easy), let’s move on to the "skills" part.  Building upon a firm foundation of a heart that is right toward others, willing to serve and to love and to forgive, people skills can become very important.  Learning to smile, to listen, to be interested in the other person, to get the other person to open up about themselves, to Affirm, Approve, and Appreciate others are incredible lessons we should all learn.  Remembering names, refraining from interrupting, and making good eye contact are all "skills" that will get results with others.  The five books I mentioned are full of interesting stories and applications of these concepts.  Read them again and again.  Practice these skills until they become habits.  But don’t get so caught up in the "skills" part that you become a cheesy fake.  Instead, apply well-meant people skills to a servant’s heart toward people, and watch them adhere to you and offer you a chance to influence them.

And when in doubt, lead with the heart!