With the popular response to the earlier post on this blog of Church Bulletin bloopers, I also received a recommendation from reader kckarate.  What follows are some actual classified ads from the book he recommended; Anguished English.  Thanks kckarate!  These are hilarious!  Enjoy, everyone!

1. Lost. Small apricot poodle.  Reward.  Neutered.  Like one of the family.

2. A superb and inexpensive restaurant.  Fine foods expertly served by waitresses  in appetizing forms.

3.  For sale:  Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

4.  For sale:  Quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

5. Four-poster bed, 101 years old.  Perfect for antique lover.

6. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too!

7.  Wanted:  50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

8.  Wanted:  Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

9.  We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by hand.

10.  No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

11.  For sale:  Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.

12.  Great Dames for sale.

13.  Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.

14.  20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having been lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.

15.  Dog for sale:  Eats anything and is fond of children.

16.  Vacation special:  Have your home exterminated.

17.  Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.  Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

18.  The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

19.  Stock up and save.  Limit one.

20.  Save regularly in our bank.  You’ll never reget it.

21.  Man wanted to work in dynamite factory.  Must be willing to travel.

22.  Used cars:  Why go elsewhere to be cheated?  Come here first!

23.  Christmas tag sale:  Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.

24.  Wanted:  Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

25.  Our experienced Mom will care for your child.  Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

26.  Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.