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"The only way to be happy, is to give happy."

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On a plane yesterday Terri had the following list up on her computer screen. I glanced over and laughed right out loud at several of them, saying, "I’ve got to get a copy of that to put up on the blog!" Her reply was a bit interesting: "What’s the purpose of your blog, again?" I refused to answer, knowing that it would be impossible to explain why humor pieces keep getting posted on a leadership blog. After all, it just doesn’t sound right to call this blog the "Whatever I feel like putting up that day" blog. Leadership sounds much sexier, so I’ll stick with it. But, at least for me, I can only digest so much rock-solid material if it is seasoned with a little fun. Hope you agree (and don’t worry, Terri does too).

Here’s the list. Enjoy.

What is…

Arbitrator? A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonalds.

Avoidable? What a bullfighter tries to do.

Bernadette? The act of torching a mortgage.

Burglarize? What a crook sees with.

Control? A short, ugly inmate.

Counterfeiter? Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

Eclipse: What an English barber does for a living.

Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.

Misty: How golfers create divots.

Paradox: Two physicians.

Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

Pharmacist: A helper on the farm.

Polarize: What penguins see with.

Primate: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Relief: What trees do in the spring.

Rubberneck: What you do to relax your wife.

Seamstress: Describes 250 pounds in a size 6.

Selfish: What the owner of a seafood store does.

Sudafed: Brought litigation against a government official.

Posted in Humor

10 responses to “Definitions”

Julana Schaub

February 9, 2008

I have enjoyed your humor and insights over the past few years…and thought I’d send something that was sent to me recently. It goes along with so much of what TEAM teaches…facing the “obstacles” in our path. enjoy the following:
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a
roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if
anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the
king’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by
and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the
King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did
anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of
vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the
peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the
stone to the side of the road. After much pushing
and straining, he f inally succeeded. After the
peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had
been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note
from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The
peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve
our condition.

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JeanneJeanne

February 9, 2008

Those were really good. Someone has a clever mind.
Humor is good, it is good medicine and gives the mind a break. Thank you.

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Utah

February 9, 2008

Humor is important. Without humor, who is going to come to read all the other leadership materials. If you fall asleep in a movie, it doesn’t matter if it was good.

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Larry Herring

February 10, 2008

More definitions:
Is: It depends on your definition.
What: Honey, it wasn’t me.
Flipper: A tanning booth command.
And just in time for valentine’s Day:
Wither: along side your wife.

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lisatower

February 10, 2008

Great seminar in Phoenix yesterday! Thank you for taking the time to reach others for a cause greater than any of us individuals alone.

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Justin Porteus

February 11, 2008

Funny…
When I was about 5 or 6 years old, I first heard the name Bernadette, and that’s exactly what I thought it was! I was thinking…why is that guy calling her Bernadette? isn’t burning debts an action, not a name?

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Joe B.

February 12, 2008

Chris,
Didn’t know how to send this to you directly so I thought I would post it here. Pretty funny. Edit out the ones you don’t want posted. I hope you find some of these as funny as I did.
Ponder-isms:
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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3. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one enjoys it?
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4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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6. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
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7. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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8. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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9. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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10. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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11. What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
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12. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They’re cramming for their final exam. Or maybes as attributed to W.C. Fields, they are looking for loopholes.
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13. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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14. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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15. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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16. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
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17. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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18. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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19. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells… ‘THEIRS’

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Larry Herring

February 13, 2008

Julana,
Great parable. Stories like that often teach much more than simple words. No wonder it was Jesus’ favorite way to teach. Thanks!

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Terri Brady

November 2, 2012

I still love this list!! and this blog :)!!

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EASTON KELSEY

January 8, 2016

the SERIOUS joy of pun fun. I loved it! I had several good laughs! I am so punny that it has rubbed off on my kids. Rebecca had full disclosure when I proposed to her at the end of a horse-back ride. I said ‘ Now that I’ve corralled you, I am tired of horsing around and am chomping at the bit so would you ride off into the sunset with me?
If you ever stop with the humor, it would be a sad day. Thanks for YEARS of laughs Chris!

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