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The Last Bulwark Against the Economy

There is one activity that seems unaffected by the slowdown in the economy.  All one has to do is head out on the road system to see what I'm talking about.  

It has to do with road construction barrels.
  

Medium_barrels
Most states I've visited display their barrels like a badge of honor. There are so many of them, and they are in such perpetual use, that I think I have uncovered a massive conspiracy.  Are they really fixing the roads, or are they just having a competition for bragging rights between states to see which one has the most barrels? Another part of the competition involves seeing which state can set them up for the longest time without any of its citizens noticing that no work is actually being done.  From what I have seen, Michigan and Ohio are duking it out for the championship, although Colorado would have to be a close contender, too.

I think I might have a theory about where that missing $300 billion from the government grant to the finance industry went: one of the lucky recipients of that big fat government dole has a brother in the construction barrel manufacturing industry.  See how it works?  He gets federal government money to make barrels, then sells them to state governments, thereby taking money from the government at two levels!  It's brilliant!  Wish I'd thought of it myself, only I don't have a brother getting government contracts, he's too busy being stuck in traffic somewhere because of road construction.

So there you have it!  The best hedge against this worsening economy is to go get a job in the factory where they make those barrels!  Strange thing is, nobody I've ever talked to seems to know where they're made!  Millions and millions of them along the highways of America and nobody out there has any information on where they are manufactured?  Hmmmm.  I bet I can guess, though: Hangar 18, Area 51!

Well, even if we can't find that factory to work in, we can at least all get jobs setting the barrels up along the roadways of America.  That has to be the most secure job in the country!

 
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13 responses to “The Last Bulwark Against the Economy”

  1. Brent Campau Avatar
    Brent Campau

    Seems odd indeed. A supposed economic crisis, and the gov’t is spending money on painting roads with a thin layer of asphalt.
    Can you please tell me where this “construction” isn’t happening? I would like to start making plans to move there. And don’t say Antarctica:)

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  2. Clint Fix Avatar
    Clint Fix

    Chris,
    I love your posts. They’re always good for a laugh or some great insight on world events. I got curious reading your post here at work and decided to look up who manufactures those darn things.
    I wasn’t able to find out who actually makes them in my relatively quick search though. I guess it remains a mystery!

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  3. Phyllis Hoff Avatar
    Phyllis Hoff

    Chris:
    How funny. You are so right. You very rarely see anyone working, even though they are the barriers to our traffic being reduced to one lane, with many many cars backed up on that one lane.
    Every once in a while you see where someone has hit one, and it is laying in the middle of the road.
    Oh, and also, they go up so quickly. One day you are driving to work just fine, and the next day, bam, down to one lane, backed up for miles, with several of those orange barrels lining the highway.
    I actually have seen some of the guys and gals putting up those barrels.
    I am not sure I would actually want to do that though, as it is way to cold right now.
    Phyllis

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  4. Cathy Avatar
    Cathy

    Chris,
    I beg to differ on which state has the most construction barrels out. New York, where we live, has everyone beat by far!! I swear, those things just breed out there . . . Actually, they must breed out there. After all, isn’t that where the smaller cones come from?
    In fact, we’ve come to accept road construction as an alternative season here in the Northeast. It occupies parts of spring, summer and fall. It comes after mud season and before freeze season. In the northern mountains, it also comes after the May/June black fly season, from whom all creatures great and small flee, or at least protect themselves, lest they be eaten alive. (And no, I’m not kidding about the black flies!)
    Here in the great Northeast, there is a road sign that often appears during the long months of construction season. It reads, “Temporary inconvenience. Permanent improvement.”
    We decided long ago what the sign really means is, “Temporary improvement. Permanent inconvenience!”

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  5. Dom.E. Avatar
    Dom.E.

    I tried and tried and tried tonight but I couldn’t find anything more than where to buy traffic cones.
    What really kills me is the GREED in our government. Gee, I wonder why we’re in a recession spiraling out of control towards a depression. If nothing is done to help the Detroit Three, I project about 2% of the population of the United States losing their jobs between the auto industry along with the restaurants, bars, and party stores near the auto plants shutting down. The retirees who could lose their pensions (which is a huge concern for my parents, family, and friends) would also put more strain on the economy. If the people aren’t buying, other stores may fail – even the foreign auto companies will suffer (which I don’t think Alabama Dicky realizes) because who can afford to buy a new car outside of ‘Bama?
    It is a possible snowball effect that can really strain this nation, destroy the middle class, and create a nation of haves and have-nots.
    Gee, if only there was a way to turn this around for those who will suffer…
    Or is there?
    Those whose purpose in life is to serve others and lead for the common good for all will be the new heroes.

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  6. Gabriel Crowther Avatar
    Gabriel Crowther

    I know where they come from. I asked a trucker while hitchhiking. He said they’re Schneider eggs. The Schneider trucks lay them, and if conditions are right, they’ll turn into new Schneider trucks or trailers (depending on gender) to replace the ones wearing out.
    Aren’t they beautiful?!
    Gabe Crowther

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  7. Owen Derry Avatar
    Owen Derry

    Chris:
    Were you talking about the Delineator Traffic Barrel that meets the crashworthy requirements of NCHRP-350? This baby is a 40″ tall orange barrel with 4″ high base designed to “break-away” if struck by an on-coming vehicle. You can add up to 53 lbs. of sand in the base for greater stability!! My goodness!! You can also choose a plain barrel or with 4″ reflective striping to meet your specific requirements, yes, your very own specific requirements! Oh, my! If you go to
    http://www.seton.com/seton/category/FACILITY-MAINTENANCE/Cones-and-Barricades/Barricades/0/2/100003.200215.300004.400118.html?WT.srch=1&_vsrefdom=ppcgoogle&gclid=CNCtpZyZu5cCFRPyDAodlyOOSQ
    you will be able to choose from the following, perhaps to add to your driveway:
    Style No. 85546: Hi-Intensity Striping: 40″H Orange Barrel: Wording: (BLANK): $172.00 Each
    Style No. 43390: Plain Orange Barrel: 40″High: Wording: (BLANK): $117.60 EA
    Style No. 43389: Engineer Grade Striping: 40″H Orange Barrel: Wording: (BLANK) $145.30
    Or maybe get a job there, as you suggested.
    However, I think you will get more information from
    http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Rare_orange_man-eating_construction_barrel
    and read about things such as:
    1. The scientific definition of orange barrel (“The Orange Construction Barrel (Ampulla fabricatio barrelus) is one of several species of highly specialized plants which have adapted to be able to grow in the most extreme of conditions – the roadways of North America. It is the second most common member of the sub-genus fabricatio — commonly known as the “fabriforms” — and is prized for its weather-resistance and bioluminescent fruit.”)
    2. How construction barrels actually grow up from asphalt and concrete (“These shards work their way beneath the surface of the asphalt, either through weather processes or through compaction beneath the feet of other animals. These seeds lie dormant through the winter and begin to sprout in early summer when the rising temperatures cause the asphalt to expand and become malleable.”)
    3. How to tell when germination takes place (“One thing about the life cycle is certain – when the plant develops its fruit (an orange light), it is ready to be harvested.”)
    Well, apparently there is a dispute as to whether or not barrels are manufactured by man, or a plant form designed by the Good Lord, a plant form that we must subdue and have dominion over. If that is the case, we’re losing the war!

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  8. Phyllis Hoff Avatar
    Phyllis Hoff

    Chris:
    Not sure this should go here, but perhaps when you write something about our freedoms again, you can post it there. This is awesome.
    Paul Harvey says:
    This is the United States of America , a country founded on Christian
    principles.
    One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don’t
    think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world’s
    foundations.
    Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while
    our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents
    taught us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our
    Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and
    their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.
    God, help us.
    The silent majority has been silent too long. It’s time we tell that
    one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority
    doesn’t care what they want. It is time that the majority rules!
    It’s time we tell them, You don’t have to pray; you don’t have to say
    the Pledge of Allegiance; you don’t have to believe in God or attend
    services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your
    right; but by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away.
    We are fighting back, and we WILL WIN!
    God bless us one and all … Especially those who worship Him , God
    bless America, despite all her faults. She is still the greatest
    nation of all. God bless our military who are fighting to protect
    our right to pray and worship God.
    Let’s make 2009 the year the silent majority is heard and we put God
    back as the foundation of our families and institutions .. And our
    military forces come home from all the wars.
    Keep looking up.

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  9. Evelyn Monk Avatar
    Evelyn Monk

    Subject: FW: Can’t Steal My Christmas… I’m taking Christmas back
    This was sent to me & I thought it was good.
    YOU CAN’T STEAL MY CHRISTMAS
    I don’t know who they are
    Saying I can’t greet the crowd
    The way that I want to
    Can’t say CHRISTMAS out loud.
    I walk into a business place
    See things that I’d rather not see
    But dare I not say CHRISTMAS
    And ask for a ‘holiday’ tree.
    What happened to freedom of speech
    And living in the land of the free
    How can they take my CHRISTMAS money
    But can’t say MERRY CHRISTMAS to me.
    Men and women have given their lives
    So we could still go free
    I wonder how they would feel
    At saying ‘ HOLIDAY ‘ TREE.
    Come on UNITED STATES let’s wake up
    Don’t let our freedom escape
    If they get by with doing this
    What else will they take.
    This is starting to get out of hand,
    And I’ve begun to keep track
    Well I’ve just about had enough
    I’M TAKING CHRISTMAS BACK.
    So MERRY CHRISTMAS UNITED STATES
    I hope this gets all over the net
    If we all stand united and take freedom back
    ‘Twill be our best CHRISTMAS YET!
    MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

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  10. Dave in FL Avatar
    Dave in FL

    Bob’s Barricades doesn’t sell them, they lease them, monthly payments.
    I used to live in NYS- they takem down in winter-the barrels- so they can plow the roads. In Florida, since there is no winter, they never have to quit working a road project. Hence barrels forever.
    It’s rumored you worked for one of the BIG 3.
    Could a US car maker, make a car with crank windows, seats that last past 80,000 miles, a clock, four doors, small engine, 35 miles per gallon for 16,000 dollars?
    NO? So why give them 3-6 months of operating capital?
    Aint nothing going to change with them.
    Look at Chrysler- touting the Hemi.

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  11. Owen Derry Avatar
    Owen Derry

    Less than 5% of the people on the face of the planet, Americans, have produced more wealth than any other country in history. As written below, Americans are also some of the most, if not the most, generous people on earth. I believe this wealth and generosity came from people who knew what it took to create that wealth, and they knew how to give back.
    Today, I believe we are putting aside that ability to create wealth and instead are relying on government largesse to maintain a comfortable life style. It is not the government that is destroying our wealth or freedoms. It is our complacency and lack of a true moral compass that is leading us down the wrong path. Wealth and generosity do not come from the government. They come from individuals.
    The editorial below was broadcast from Toronto by Gordon Sinclair on 5 June 1973 as the United States was withdrawing from Vietnam. It later was printed in the U.S. Congressional Record. I hope it stirs some souls to help us remember what a great county we were, but even more so, what a great country we can once again become.

    The Americans
    The United States dollar took another pounding on German, French and British exchanges this morning, hitting the lowest point ever known in West Germany.
    It has declined there by 41% since 1971 and this Canadian thinks it is time to speak up for the Americans as the most generous and possibly the least-appreciated people in all the earth.
    As long as sixty years ago, when I first started to read newspapers, I read of floods on the Yellow River and the Yangtse. Who rushed in with men and money to help?
    The Americans did.
    They have helped control floods on the Nile, the Amazon, the Ganges and the Niger. Today, the rich bottom land of the Misssissippi is under water and no foreign land has sent a dollar to help.
    Germany, Japan and, to a lesser extent, Britain and Italy, were lifted out of the debris of war by the Americans who poured in billions of dollars and forgave other billions in debts. None of those countries is today paying even the interest on its remaining debts to the United States.
    When the franc was in danger of collapsing in 1956, it was the Americans who propped it up and their reward was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. I was there. I saw it.
    When distant cities are hit by earthquakes, it is the United States that hurries into help… Managua Nicaragua is one of the most recent examples. So far this spring, 59 American communities have been flattened by tornadoes. Nobody has helped. The Marshall Plan .. the Truman Policy .. all pumped billions upon billions of dollars into discouraged countries. Now, newspapers in those countries are writing about the decadent war-mongering Americans. I’d like to see one of those countries that is gloating over the erosion of the United States dollar build its own airplanes. Come on… let’s hear it!
    Does any other country in the world have a plane to equal the Boeing Jumbo Jet, the Lockheed Tristar or the Douglas 107? If so, why don’t they fly them? Why do all international lines except Russia fly American planes? Why does no other land on earth even consider putting a man or women on the moon? You talk about Japanese technocracy and you get radios. You talk about German technocracy and you get automobiles. You talk about American technocracy and you find men on the moon, not once, but several times … and safely home again. You talk about scandals and the Americans put theirs right in the store window for everyone to look at. Even the draft dodgers are not pursued and hounded. They are here on our streets, most of them … unless they are breaking Canadian laws…are getting American dollars from Ma and Pa at home to spend here. When the Americans get out of this bind … as they will… who could blame them if they said ‘the hell with the rest of the world’. Let someone else buy the Israel bonds, Let someone else build or repair foreign dams or design foreign buildings that won’t shake apart in earthquakes.
    When the railways of France, Germany and India were breaking down through age, it was the Americans who rebuilt them. When the Pennsylvania Railroad and the New York Central went broke, nobody loaned them an old caboose. Both are still broke. I can name to you 5,000 times when the Americans raced to the help of other people in trouble. Can you name me even one time when someone else raced to the Americans in trouble?
    I don’t think there was outside help even during the San Francisco earthquake. Our neighbours have faced it alone and I am one Canadian who is damned tired of hearing them kicked around. They will come out of this thing with their flag high. And when they do, they are entitled to thumb their nose at the lands that are gloating over their present troubles. I hope Canada is not one of these. But there are many smug, self-righteous Canadians.
    And finally, the American Red Cross was told at its 48th Annual meeting in New Orleans this morning that it was broke. This year’s disasters .. with the year less than half-over… has taken it all and nobody…but nobody… has helped.
    ORIGINAL SCRIPT AND AUDIO COURTESY STANDARD BROADCASTING CORPORATION LTD. (c) 1973 BY GORDON SINCLAIR

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  12. Randy Avatar
    Randy

    I am totaly astounded. I really believed that those big orange barrels where provided to us by a big hearted government who only has our best interest at heart. Because of their rebounding properties these big orange barrel bumpers can gently move you back into your lane after a 15 hour non stop drive to seminar. These are for road construction purposes? Go figure.

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  13. John hatchell Avatar
    John hatchell

    We arrested a guy for going down the road hitting every barrel he could. We all thought the same thing, Man I Wish I could have done that ( as long as workers aren’t present ) The money for roads in my opinion is to build the enabling behaviors of State Govts. Citizens complaining of bad roads, State Govts are all to happy to get fed / state money to send juicy fat contracts to Framily (family and friends) seen it….

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