20071004angry 


Here are a few one liners to lighten your day. Please contribute any of your own for the rest of the three of us to enjoy!


There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick
and the dead.


Health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.


Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

How is it one careless match can start a forest
fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Never test the depth of the water with both
feet. 


Some days you are the bug; some days you are the
wind screen. 


A closed mouth gathers no foot. 

Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it. 


Why  do you have to "put your two
cents in"… but it's only  a "penny for your thoughts"?
 Where's that extra  penny going to?
  

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45 responses to “One Liners”

  1. Jeff Kennedy Avatar

    Here’s some words of wisdom my daddy always told me: “I feel a lot more like I do now than I did a minute ago.”
    Let that wash over you for a piece.
    🙂

    Like

  2. Dave Nelson Avatar
    Dave Nelson

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for the Humor on your Blog.
    Imagine getting your 15 minutes of fame…Levi Johnston on Sarah Palin on Yahoo…by trashing someone else.
    Who would want him for a son-in-law?
    Who would be dumb enough to know how to do a part time business that could produce $1,000,000.00$
    a year ..and not do it?
    Part time is anything less that 168 hours per week.

    Like

  3. Jeff Westra Avatar
    Jeff Westra

    Heres a quote from my dad…”Its better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re stupid than to open in and remove all doubt.”

    Like

  4. BCampau Avatar
    BCampau

    “How are you doing?”
    “If I were any better, I’d be twins.”

    Like

  5. Abraham Avatar
    Abraham

    The extra penny goes to fund those that have not. “Equalization of the classes.”
    How clever: those that put 2 in, share with those that don’t put any in and we have to pay yet another penny for our own thoughts.
    What tax code does that fall under? We’re used to paying for our food, cable and gas; but paying for our very thoughts, thats ingenious.
    No one wonder the TV is so popular, we’re already paying the tax on that and it helps not think so we found a loop-hole around the thought tax. Thank you CNN and Ted Turner. You all are angels. Such civil servants thinking on our behalf.

    Like

  6. Darrell Avatar
    Darrell

    It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

    Like

  7. Paula Smith Avatar
    Paula Smith

    Don’t believe everything you think.

    Like

  8. g.a.b. Avatar
    g.a.b.

    On Moral Relativism:
    As one travels the world, one notices that some cultures honor their guests…while others EAT them.
    Do you have a personal preference?

    Like

  9. 3rd Huber bro Avatar
    3rd Huber bro

    “Government, even a benign one, is like a clumsy, retarded giant, and therefore you have to be careful to limit what tasks you assign it.”~ Charley Reese

    Like

  10. Cathy - Team Rascals Avatar
    Cathy – Team Rascals

    Chris,
    Here are some from my childhood:
    There once was an owl, who seldom spoke.
    The more he heard, the less he spoke.
    The less he spoke, the more he heard.
    Now, why can’t we be more like that wise old bird??
    (That rhyme was one of my father’s favorites for 5 noisy, unruly children!)
    Some days, you get the bear. Some days, the bear gets you.
    A closed mind gathers no thought. (A favorite of my father’s father, attributed to his father, a professor.)
    Opinions are like feet. Everybody’s got them, and some of them stink up the place pretty badly.
    The only thing worse than a unread book is a unused mind. (A favorite of my mother’s.)
    Aging is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Even if you do mind, it still doesn’t matter.

    Like

  11. Ted Avatar
    Ted

    Obama gets the extra penny….

    Like

  12. Steven Loftin Avatar
    Steven Loftin

    You never know who you are going to run into with your eyes closed.

    Like

  13. Miguel Avatar
    Miguel

    I thought you may want to read this http://www.campaignforliberty.com/article.php?view=135 especially since the man you admire (Reagan) broke the Law so much!
    An Interventionist Foreign Policy is illegal(No authority given in the Constitution that allows it), the War On Drugs is illegal(it not only isn’t in the Constitution but it also deprives us of our Life, Liberty and Property!) and Reagan aggressively pursuing those actions while allowing the illegal institution (the Federal Reserve) to print the money to pay for it was immoral. The worse thing about Reagans Presidency is that he spoke against government intrusion yet that’s exactly what he did as soon as he got in power!
    It really really bothers me that you and Orrin admire someone who went against the Constitution and what the Founders wanted all while speaking across North America saying that all you want the Government to do is to follow the Constitution and get back to what the Founders had in mind! Please explain how you can say that while at the same time admire someone who blatantly didn’t?
    I know I’m being redundant but I feel like I can’t let this go because almost everyone of you and Orrin’s talks say how much you want to get back to what made this Country great in the first place, which is Liberty, yet it seems like you want only your definition of Liberty to me. Locking up over a half a million non violent criminals and going to war with whoever we want is not Liberty no matter what reason we give for doing it!
    I really hate text because you can’t see the emotion behind it! I’m saying all this with a heavy heart believing fully well that you and Orrin are called to change this Country but it really scares me that you want Liberty and The Rule Of Law except for the matters that you disagree with(like saying the Fed is illegal but not saying that about the Drug War).
    Oh and just FYI I don’t do drugs and I never will even if they were legal. I just see it as an excuse for the government to intrude in our lives for “the greater good” and that is wrong!!

    Like

  14. Owen Derry Avatar
    Owen Derry

    Some Yogi Berra quotes:
    You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there.
    I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early.
    If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.
    You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
    Baseball is 90% mental — the other half is physical.
    It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much.
    And one perhaps that today is true:
    A nickel isn’t worth a dime today.

    Like

  15. Owen Derry Avatar
    Owen Derry

    Here’s one I used to use on my kids when they thought they were getting away with something.
    Do you know how old I was when I was your age?
    It stopped them dead in their tracks because they had to think about it. Too bad it only worked once or twice. After that, I had to figure out how to be a Dad.

    Like

  16. Phyllis Hoff Avatar
    Phyllis Hoff

    A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want to get in, And how many want to get out.

    Like

  17. Nate Herrema Avatar
    Nate Herrema

    There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can’t.

    Like

  18. Gene Busekrus Avatar
    Gene Busekrus

    There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who understand math and those who don’t.

    Like

  19. Carl L. McPherson Avatar

    A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. (Harvey Mackay)

    Like

  20. Gene Busekrus Avatar
    Gene Busekrus

    If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 2. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
    If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
    Is there another word for synonym?
    Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
    What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
    Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
    If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
    Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
    How do they get the deer to cross the road at that yellow road sign?
    If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
    Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
    If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
    How is it possible to have a “civil” war?
    If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
    If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
    If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
    Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
    Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

    Like

  21. Carl L. McPherson Avatar

    Consider how hard it is to change yourself; and you will understand what little chance you have trying to change others.

    Like

  22. John Rogers Avatar

    Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
    How did a fool and his money get together?
    A fool and his money are soon elected. (Sorry, sort of)
    If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
    Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
    Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
    If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
    If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?
    Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
    Does fuzzy logic tickle?
    When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
    If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

    Like

  23. Jason DuPree Avatar
    Jason DuPree

    “If at first you don’t SUCCEED, keep sucking seeds!”

    Like

  24. Doug Hines Avatar
    Doug Hines

    Takes more than 3 air bags to stop a Brady!

    Like

  25. John Dickinson - Team One Purpose! Avatar

    Chris,
    “I’ll see you tomorrow unless I see you before.”
    “I am leaving to search for myself and keep me here if you find me before I get back.”
    Interesting!
    John

    Like

  26. Theresa Saigh Avatar
    Theresa Saigh

    I just heard on a CD, Orrin says the only reason for a divorce….is marriage.

    Like

  27. Doug Hines Avatar
    Doug Hines

    When one is staring at 3 air bags, the results became worth the investment!

    Like

  28. Dave Nelson Avatar
    Dave Nelson

    Hi Chris Brady,
    Because of you and TEAM I cannot read a fiction book anymore with out thinking ….about the things the TEAM Training imparts to a persons brain.
    Such unbridled pleasure.
    Here’s a small example of what I mean.
    “She looked up again with a somber expression. Them’s the vermin: them who take what little we can earn or make with our hands so as to promise it right back to us, expecting us to be thankful at their kind hearts; them who tempt good people to be lazy so they can rule us like sheep in a trough; them who took our freedom and our ways. Even a foolish old woman like me knows that lazy people don’t think for themselves; they only think about themselves. I don’t know what this world is coming to.”
    From a Terry Goodkind book Blood of the Fold in the Sword of Truth series.
    It sounds like what is being done to us in the good ole USA by our government.
    Dave in Florida

    Like

  29. Lydia Avatar
    Lydia

    I resemble that remark!

    Like

  30. Buffafly Avatar
    Buffafly

    If you’re anything like me, and I know I am…
    If I cook Stove Top Stuffing in the microwave, do I have to change the name?
    I child-proofed my whole house, but they keep getting back in.

    Like

  31. paragon Avatar
    paragon

    it will feel better when it quits hurting

    Like

  32. paragon Avatar
    paragon

    He looks like he fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every branch.

    Like

  33. paragon Avatar
    paragon

    Read my lips No New Taxes!

    Like

  34. Ben Duncan Avatar
    Ben Duncan

    Thanks for a good laugh! All the one liners I am thinking of are yours, but do you remember all the difftent types of nose blowing you talked about at that premajor meeting way back when? I have another one for you. The drill bit. It’s where you roll the tisue into a spike like a drill bit and crank it around in there for the hard to reach boogers. People reading this must be thinking what is he talking about. Heck you might even be thinking that. Haha I’m loving your blog. Keep up the good work.
    Ben Duncan

    Like

  35. Phyllis Hoff Avatar
    Phyllis Hoff

    Chris:
    I know you and Terri have been on a whirl wind trip with the family and serving many of the teams at seminars, opens, etc., but I have to tell you, I am really missing
    my daily reads of your posts.
    Can’t wait to log onto your blog and see that inspiring, motivating, funny Chris Brady touch.
    Hope to read some of your wisdom soon on this blog.
    Miss you.
    Phyllis

    Like

  36. Phillip Wickey Avatar
    Phillip Wickey

    There’s two types of people in this world, people that count, and people that don’t count, and people that can’t count. I’m glad to know where I stand.

    Like

  37. paragon Avatar
    paragon

    If a guy gets married in Kentucky, moves to New York, and gets divorced , is she still his sister?

    Like

  38. Wray Avatar

    What if you die, go to Heaven and find out the Hookey Pookey really was what it was all about?

    Like

  39. Alyssa M. Avatar
    Alyssa M.

    Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
    Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
    Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?
    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
    Why isn’t there mouse-flavored ca t food?
    Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
    Only in America ……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
    Only in America…..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
    Only in America…..do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
    Only in America…..do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
    Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
    Only in America…..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
    I’m only 15 and I’m can’t wait to be able to join the Mona Vie/TEAM business!!!!

    Like

  40. Rick Phinney Avatar
    Rick Phinney

    confusion say:
    if today is the tomorrow you was waiting for yesterday,what will be the tomorrow that yesterday you were looking forward to today?

    Like

  41. Keith Burns Avatar
    Keith Burns

    My Grandfather’s response when someone comments that it is raining outside.
    “If the rain keeps up, it won’t come down.”

    Like

  42. Steve Graffius - Team Velocity Avatar
    Steve Graffius – Team Velocity

    “Television: a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.” -Ernie Kovacs

    Like

  43. Archie Jamison Avatar
    Archie Jamison

    “Things are more like they are today than they have ever been before.”

    Like

  44. ruths83@gmail.com Avatar
    ruths83@gmail.com

    Some of my Dads favorite sayings:
    ‘Your leg ain’t broke and walking ain’t crowded.’
    ‘Put some hustle in your bustle!’
    If a conversation was happening and one of us girls asked ‘Who?’ Dads response was always, ‘Your feet fit a tree branch?’
    Just recently at a family gathering one of my aunts came up with this gem:
    ‘Its so annoying when people don’t stop talking so I can interrupt them!’

    Like

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