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Roughing the Pastor (and Other Church Penalties)

IMG_2641 A book I read a few years back on the subject of developing one's creative thinking explained the technique of combining categories that don't usually mix. In other words, think of an A and a B that don't normally get considered in context with one another and put them together to see what results.

This occurred quite by accident in a recent conversation I had with my wife. We were discussing either football or the ministry (I can't remember which) and she thought I said "Roughing the Pastor" instead of the official foul in the NFL called "Roughing the Passer."  Laughter followed, and of course this led to a ten or fifteen minute jam-session in which we both tried to come up with other such penalties a "National Faith League (another NFL)" referee might call on a misbehaving congregation, minister, or both!

With football season winding down, I thought it only fitting to honor my many close friends in the ministry with the following Official List of Church Penalties. Here are our top five:

1. Roughing the Pastor

2. Unnecessary Gruffness

3. Illegal reFormation

4. Encroachment

5. Delay of game (this occurs when the sermon goes long and gets parishioners home too late for kickoff)

In the spirit of collaboration, I welcome the dear readers of this blog (all 3 of you) to contribute additional violations for this list. Thanks for playing (and praying!)

 

 

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20 responses to “Roughing the Pastor (and Other Church Penalties)”

  1. MacKinnonChris Avatar
    MacKinnonChris

    ~ False Start: when you launch a ministry or event without taking the time to properly plan or prepare.
    ~ Intentional Grounding: failure to support a ministry, pastor, or ministry leader, ensuring that ministry or person fails.

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  2. Brian Avatar
    Brian

    Offside: having to sit on the wrong side of the aisle in church because “your” side is too full.

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  3. Brian Avatar
    Brian

    Personal Foul: got up too late to shower before church this morning.

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  4. Jason Frega Avatar
    Jason Frega

    Offsides – When the pastor mentions one team as godly or angelic and the rival team as sinful, evil or the devil.
    (Happens a lot in Chicago, especially when we play the Packers for the championship.)

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  5. Curtis Brown Avatar
    Curtis Brown

    Illegal formation: when someone is in “your” pew.

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  6. Mike Kolp Avatar
    Mike Kolp

    I like the false start for when we start eating before the prayer starts.
    Illegal man in motion, is for the kids in the aisle.

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  7. Michael Pham Avatar
    Michael Pham

    I would really like to read this book which was it?
    pastor interference- the act of talking over the pastor while others are trying to listen
    Illegal Celebration
    Holding- when a person holds on to your hand too long after prayer

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  8. Cathy - Team Rascals Avatar
    Cathy – Team Rascals

    Chris,
    My husband and I have been involved in one way or another in lay ministry since long before we met. Here are some of the things we have seen:
    Holding — This happens when someone is obviously gifted and called in ministry, and the person in charge of the programs (or worse, funding) refuses to release them.
    Out of Bounds — Gossip and/or undercutting the leaders and/or fellow parishoners.
    False Start — When the people move out into ministry before it is prayed through and obviously blessed by God. Not moving in God’s will.
    Clipping (and other Blocking penalties) — Getting in the way of what the leadership percieves and has communicated to be God’s will for the church. Becomming an obstruction to the church following it.
    Delay of Game — Asking unrelated questions and/or telling rambling stories in Bible study. Never getting to the point of what you are trying to say.
    Equipment Violations — Using the Bible as a weapon against the church instead of a weapon against its enemies.
    Illegal Participation — Some consider this attending a church that is not your own, or not the normal service you attend (assuming your church has more than one), and instead going someplace else on a given Sunday. This is a penalty open to a great deal of interpretation, and not considered a penalty by some!
    Substitution Infraction (aka “Too Many Men On The Field”) — Most churches have little to no experience with this violation, and would love to get it!
    Sideline Infraction — Criticism of the church, leaders and pastor and being part of the problem, while refusing utterly to be part of the solution.
    Palpably Unfair Act & Personal Foul — A double penalty consisting of harming the wounded, instead of working to protect and heal them. This is one of the most common, and most tragic, violations in all of church life.

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  9. Mike Avatar
    Mike

    PASSage INTERFERENCE…when the passage is expounded out of context or when all the clever gimmicks of preaching are imported into the passage for effect rather than having God’s word stand alone…
    Too many men on the field…never happens
    Not enough men on the field…always happens
    Face mask…people who won’t remove their Christian mask so as to actually be real in worship and under the word of God
    Since the kicking game is the transitional part of football and music plays a similar role in a service, instead of roughing the kicker, we rough the music minister or worship leader…

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  10. Jaime Shaw Avatar
    Jaime Shaw

    Flag-offense.. Not enough MEN on the field

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  11. Bill The Computer Guy Avatar
    Bill The Computer Guy

    Pass Interference: When you wait until the collection basket is in your hands before you get your wallet out.
    Too many men on the field: When more altar servers show up than there are duties to perform, leading to chaotic reshuffling, so everyone has something to do.
    Tripping: When the kids don’t take out the earbuds until the service starts.
    Unabated to the Pastor: When one of the parishioners jams ahead to shake the minister’s hand after the service.
    Unsportsmanlike Conduct: When someone dresses for church like they just finished mowing the lawn.

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  12. Carmine Villani Avatar
    Carmine Villani

    Pass Interference- When a person in your row causes the offering basket to cease moving in the correct direction.

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  13. JC Child Avatar
    JC Child

    Penalty Declined – Forgiveness for our “penalty” by God’s grace!

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  14. Dena J Burch Avatar
    Dena J Burch

    Thank you-thank you-thank you!!! ALL of the comments and of course Chris’s blog are timely and touch a tender spot in my heart! You see- my SON is a Worship Pastor and has experienced being roughed!! It breaks my heart to know how this act and others like it affect our ministers, their wives, children, parents and families!! Thanks Chris for bringing this to our attention!

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  15. Tony Avatar
    Tony

    “Holding” on to the past!

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  16. Glen Ewald Avatar
    Glen Ewald

    Half the distance to the pulpit- When the back half of the sanctuary fills up first.
    Running into the Vicar- Anytime coming across a priest outside of church.
    Illegal Procedure- not following the bulletin

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  17. Merle Althafer Avatar
    Merle Althafer

    Intentional Grounding: responding to the message by falling to your knees at the altar call.
    Dropped Ball: failure to respond to the urging of the Holy Spirit during the altar call.

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  18. Sara Hutniak Avatar
    Sara Hutniak

    Hey Chris.
    This wouldn’t be a penalty but as a football term, I happen to like the “Hail Mary” pass.
    And instead of line of scrimmage, how about line of pilgrimage??

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  19. Don Schultz - Team VIP Avatar
    Don Schultz – Team VIP

    The sports environment certainly has many correlations to life and it is sad when people who are supposedly on the same team can’t work together because egos, personal agenda’s and hearts that are out of synch with the COACH (Jesus, who is Head of the church).
    Some of these terms are penalties and others simply football related.
    FACE MASK – people coming to church all dressed up in their finest clothes, masquerading with the mask on that says “all is fine”, while inside they’re dying but won’t acknowledge it to anyone because they feel like they will be seen as less than they are (pride).
    INELIGIBLE PLAYER DOWNFIELD – someone who is doing a job he isn’t qualified to do. There are qualifications listed in the Bible that show what certain people should be before they occupy certain leadership positions in the Body.
    FUMBLE – unprepared speakers who don’t know what to say clearly, distinctly and effectively because they haven’t done due diligence in preparation.
    TURNOVER – what may be served between services.
    SAFETY – this isn’t most churches. Our gatherings as a Body should be places of sanctuary where we bind the wounds from the spiritual battles taking place during the week.
    HUDDLE – putting a plan in place where each individual has a specific role to play in the accomplishment of the mission given by the COACH, Jesus Christ.

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  20. Laryna Gregorio de Ceballos Avatar
    Laryna Gregorio de Ceballos

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve been trying to find contact information to reach any church(es) in Bora Bora.
    We would like information regarding Missionaries Day.
    Thank you,
    Laryna Gregorio de Ceballos

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