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Play on Words

I have received several requests to post the "Play on Words" puns and such that I gave in one of my talks at this past weekend's Spring Leadership Convention. These are not original, to be sure, but funny!

I changed my iPad's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

Benign: What you do after you be eight.

Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria.

Barium: What doctors do when patients die.

Catscan: Searching for kitty.

Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.

Dilate: To live long.

Enema: Not a friend (understatment!)

Fester: Quicker than someone else.

Hangnail: What you put your coat on.

Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.

Morbid: A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates.

Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery.

Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.

Tumor: More than one.

Varicose: Near by.

Hope you enjoyed these! Feel free to comment with more!

Sincerely,

Chris Brady

 

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29 responses to “Play on Words”

  1. Yitz Weiss Avatar
    Yitz Weiss

    Many people are looking to have a vast business. But they’re only willing to put in a half-vast effort!

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  2. Suzanne Avatar
    Suzanne

    Is it a “year end” sale or a “urine” sale?

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  3. Kore Avatar
    Kore

    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

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  4. tim sutherland Avatar
    tim sutherland

    i use to have a job pressing cans it was sodapressing
    the man that invented knock knock joke deserves a “nobel” prize.

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  5. Brannon anders Avatar
    Brannon anders

    Awesome chris love you man…

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  6. Sherri Locke Avatar
    Sherri Locke

    FROG RACE
    Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs. These frogs arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants.
    The race began…
    Honestly, no one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard such statements as:
    “Oh, WAY too difficult!” “They will NEVER make it to the top.” or “NOT a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!”
    The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one, except for those, who in a fresh tempo were climbing higher and higher.
    The crowd continued to yell, “It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!”
    More tiny frogs got tired and gave up…
    But ONE continued higher and higher and higher.
    This one would NOT give up!
    At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for that one tiny frog, who after a big effort was the only one who reached the top!
    All of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?
    It turned out that the winner was DEAF!
    The wisdom of the story is:
    Never listen to other people’s tendencies to be negative or pessimistic, because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you, the ones you have in your heart!
    Always think of the power words have. Because everything you THINK, HEAR, AND READ will affect your actions. Therefore: ALWAYS BE POSITIVE! And above all: BE DEAF WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU THAT YOU CANNOT FULFILL YOUR DREAMS!

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  7. Sue Lohr, Team Courageous Avatar
    Sue Lohr, Team Courageous

    Thank you, Chris!

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  8. kirk birtles Avatar
    kirk birtles

    ‘PMS jokes are funny! Period.’ You had me laughing with this one!! Thanks for being an ‘Original Character’!

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  9. Greg Johnson Avatar
    Greg Johnson

    Chris,
    I’m convinced now more than ever….you are crazy!!!
    I love it!

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  10. Joce Dionne Avatar
    Joce Dionne

    Chris, you are the best speaker at using humor and still making great teachable moments. Thanks for everything you do buddy. We appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.
    Joce & Cynthia Dionne

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  11. Mary Hermsen Avatar
    Mary Hermsen

    Thanks, Chris! I was hoping you’d post them! Here’s 2 more:
    2 and 2 before.
    When asked why he was dressed in a sharp-looking suit to get his vasectomy, the man answered: “If I’m going to BE impotent, I’m going to LOOK impotent”. (I don’t know if this could be said from a TEAM stage, but it’s still funny)

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  12. Tracey Avereyn Avatar
    Tracey Avereyn

    I like this. 🙂

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  13. SJ Barakony Avatar
    SJ Barakony

    This is hilarious – LoL and ROFL !
    Enjoyed this talk live at the Major, however, couldnt think to write all these down in my notes fast enough, so TYM (thank you much ;)) for posting them all on your blog, head rascal!
    During the talk, I had to text the one about the sun and dawn ( 3rd from top ) out to a few friends 😉
    Cheers & blessings from ROK of Kaizen!

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  14. Jay Hutchins Avatar
    Jay Hutchins

    “Precious and few are the moments we toucans share”.
    An over weight “man-parts” doctor is a meaty urologist (meteorologist).

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  15. Willena Flewelling Avatar
    Willena Flewelling

    This was a fun post for my first time back in a while! 🙂 Thanks for the laughs!
    Willena Flewelling

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  16. Nick Quinn Avatar
    Nick Quinn

    Great Fun! Heard them at the major but missed some because I was trying to write them all down. It’s good to know I can complete the blank spaces in my notes from this blog! 🙂

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  17. Justin & Noemie Porteus Avatar
    Justin & Noemie Porteus

    The toddler did not want to go down for a nap. She was resisting arrest.

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  18. Amy Clark Avatar
    Amy Clark

    Thank you for the giggles. I have been sharing them. 🙂

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  19. Jeff Ulrich (Stealth Red Eagles) Avatar
    Jeff Ulrich (Stealth Red Eagles)

    Once I entered some of my favorite puns into a pun contest. I selected my ten best, and entered them. I was really hoping at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
    Chris, thank you for bringing humor to our lives, along with inspiration and a beaming example of leadership. You are by far my favorite speaker and author on Team, and I’m so thankful to God that you and Orrin are leading us into the future.
    God bless!

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  20. Ken McVicker Avatar
    Ken McVicker

    Thanks, Chris!

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  21. Len Troast Avatar
    Len Troast

    Chris, once again you have used humor to make a powerful point. The only way to succeed is to turn a deaf ear to the negative voices both those outside and inside our heads and to turn up the positive voices.

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  22. Gabriel Negrete (Rascal in Training) Avatar
    Gabriel Negrete (Rascal in Training)

    Chris,
    This list is hilarious. It makes me realize why my 3 year old (Dario) is now asking to listen to Chris Brady every time he gets into the car.

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  23. Ben Avatar
    Ben

    Chris, we love how you can brighten any day with your witty humor! I think it’s amazing that you can keep coming up with such hilarious comment!

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  24. Jim martin Avatar
    Jim martin

    That is to funny! Thanks for the laugh Chris

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  25. Deb Dodson Avatar
    Deb Dodson

    I see , said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.
    Chris, thanks for being my best medicine!
    Love u guys,Draftydeb

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  26. Dennis Milnes Avatar
    Dennis Milnes

    Hey Chris, thanks for always being there (in my glove box or trunk) to make me laugh and help me become a better leader in my life and especially in my home. Here are some more one liners and quotes that I think you’ll enjoy.
    -The only reason people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.
    -The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
    -I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told me to quit going to those places.
    -Energizer bunny arrested, charged w/ battery.
    -Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light?”
    -He who laughs last didn’t get it.
    And my favorite one, because so many people told us this business wouldn’t work,…
    -One of the greatest pleasures in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
    thanks so much,
    Dennis & Savannah Milnes
    p.s. More and more people are wanting me to do the “discount double-check” LOL.

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  27. Tony Hendricks Avatar
    Tony Hendricks

    Chris Brady’s books are all so unique. Dorothy and I cherish everyone he has written and can’t wait for his newest. He is a very gifted author that draws you in with his literary style and makes you giggle while you learn life changing truths. It is not hard to refer a Brady title to a friend and feel confident they will share your enthusiasm. Thanks Chris for taking the time to truly understand how the god fearing populace wants to be entertained and also taught truth.

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  28. Eric and Rachael Gregory Avatar
    Eric and Rachael Gregory

    Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. Your eye teeth will fall out and you won’t be able to see what you are saying.

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  29. Brian Suddeth Avatar
    Brian Suddeth

    Hilarious!!!!! Thanks for the leadership and laughter, Mr Brady!!

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