Everyone has experienced walking
into a room of strangers and not exactly knowing what to do. Where do you sit? Who do you talk to?
What do you do with your hands? Is everyone looking at you? What are they
thinking?
These feelings of insecurity are
natural, but they don’t have to be permanent. In fact, one of the worst things that can happen to your
ability to relate to other people and to “fit in” is to be overly conscious
about yourself and how you are coming across. Being self-conscious means being less “other-conscious.” This is bad, because it basically means
you are too busy thinking of yourself to be thinking about the other people.
“But I am thinking about the other people,” you might say. “That’s why I feel so awkward in these
situations.”
That may be true. But you’re thinking about how those
other people are thinking about you, which
isn’t really thinking about them at
all. It’s really just another way
of thinking about you, by thinking about what they are thinking about you. Get it?
There is a very helpful saying that
goes something like this: You wouldn’t
worry so much about what other people thought of you if you knew how seldom
they did.
Remember that. It’s very helpful advice.
One of the biggest areas in which
you can have a breakthrough in dealing with other people is to realize that
everyone feels as if he or she is at the center of the universe. They are busier thinking about how they
are coming across than they are noticing how
you are coming across.
So here’s what you do with all of
this. Here’s how you stand out in
a world where almost everyone is self-focused and nervous too. Enter a room with your head held high,
your eyes making contact with others, and a smile upon your face. Be the one who approaches other people
and introduces himself first.
Don’t wait for others to make the initial contact. You make it yourself. Play a little game in your head by
pretending that the one who makes the initial contact first wins! Shake hands, give your name, and strike
up conversations by asking others about themselves. People are infinitely interesting when you care enough to
dig into who they are and what they are about. Try it. You
will be shocked how effective these little steps are.
I mean it! Act comfortable even if
you are not. Force yourself to
behave in the proper way and eventually it will become a habit. No one will be able to tell that you
are actually feeling a little nervous deep down inside.
There is a line in a rock song that
says, “Charisma is the key to opportunity.” It may not be as simple as all that, but it’s not too far
off the mark, either! The world
seems to make way for a person who knows where he or she is going. And there is no better way to
demonstrate confidence and a sense of direction than by being comfortable
around other people. Learn the
habits of good interaction with people, whether they be older, younger, or much
different from you. Get good at
being the initiator. And stop
worrying so much about what other people are thinking about you. Trust me, if you do these steps often
enough, they will think much more highly
of you for doing so!
Sincerely,
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