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“The only way to be happy, is to give happy.”

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  • Caption Contest 2011.1 and a Winner Announced!

    In the opinion of our panel of judges Caption Contest 2010.7 showed the widest range of responses. Great job everyone! Congratulations to the Johnson Family for posting the winning caption with the following submission: 

    "It didn't take long for Mr. Lee to realize there was something differet about Bruce."

    Posted by: Johnson Family | November 21, 2010 at 02:02 PM

    Simply comment on this blog with your mailing address and you'll receive your signed copy of Orrin Woodward and my Launching a Leadership Revolution. 

    And now for the new contest, our first of 2011! Good luck!

    I want one.

  • The Wasting of Your Life

    IMG_3295 There seems to be no limit to the number of varying interpretations of how one is to view the concept of "wealth." The term itself deserves the quotes thus employed in the previous sentence because it conjures in people's minds many different definitions. Some hear the word and immediately consider it to be something possessed by someone more fortunate. Others hear it and feel a compunction to cry, "It's not fair!" and to push for political actions that would seek to "redistribute" it "more fairly." Still others view it as a valid goal and extend all sorts of energy in pursuit of it. Yet other people think if they just demonstrate enough faith in God's provision they will be correspondingly awarded with it.

    The way in which I'd like to employ the word, at least for the context of this commentary, refers to the blessings bestowed upon us by the grace of God. "Rich" or "poor," "high-born" or from the "wrong side of the tracks," we each nonetheless possess amazing wealth. Most of the readers of this blog are from the Western world, a society in which material possessions and comfort greatly exceed those found throughout the rest of the world. Further, everyone reading this is alive (though some more than others)! Our generation lives at a time far more comfortable, healthy, productive, and with more choices and possessions than any that have ever previously walked the earth. Kings from just a few short generations ago did not live as well as the lower income brackets do today.  In short, we are the wealthiest now as compared to the rest of the planet and the wealthiest as compared to the rest of history.

    I know, I know. Unemployment is rampant. Inflation is high. Times are tough. People are struggling. I understand how crushing financial pressure can be. I am not minimizing these facts, but am instead merely seeking to put them into perspective. In the grander scheme of our lives, in terms of the truly important things regarding our existence, and in the context of an eternal God and His plan for our salvation in His kingdom, money and what most people consider to be "wealth" are truly not that big of a deal. What IS a big deal is how we THINK about money and wealth, and even more importantly, how we FEEL and ACT toward it. As the Bible says, "For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:19-21) So it matters what we "treasure." It matters what we focus upon. It matters what we pursue. And it matters how we do it.

    Therefore, for the purpose of starting this new year off on the right sandal, allow me to offer two questions:

    1. Where did you get the blessings you already have?

    2. What are you doing with them?

    Many people will resist the idea that they even have blessings at all, instead focusing upon their problems. They are so busy worrying about their obstacles they miss their opportunities. Next, even those who DO recognize some amount of blessing in their lives often are not thankful enough for them. Much worse, however, is the group that thinks themselves fully self-sufficient and responsible for every accomplishment and reward in their lives. They give themselves all the credit for the good times and thereby run into trouble when they experience the bad times. This results in the need to blame someone external to themselves, and from there, well, that would be an article long enough to give War and Peace a run for it's longevity record. 

    The second question digs deeper, but it hangs mightily upon the first one. If we are convinced that we are the sole source of our gains, then we will be selfish in their use. James 5:5 says, "Ye have lived in pleasure on the earth . . . ye have nourished your hearts, as in a day of slaughter." This speaks to those who misunderstand the source of their blessings and therefore misappropriate the recipients of them. Instead of using them to serve God and others in His name, this group of people use their blessings to serve themselves, piling comfort upon luxury, fattening themselves like hogs awaiting the day of slaughter. The gift therefore is returned to the source. If we ignore or misunderstand the source of our blessings, we will return them to the wrong place. But gaining a clear picture that our blessings are from God will inspire a feeling of thankfulness and outreach within us that leads to good works toward others.

    So don't rush by these questions. Think deeply about them. Make sure you answer them in a way you can stand upon throughout eternity. It's already 2011. Your days are numbered, and that number is less and less all the time. Consider these questions well to avoid the ultimate failure: the wasting of your life. 

     

  • Goal Setting vs. Goal Sitting

    IMG_1909 It's that time of year again. People rush to join health clubs, open savings accounts, buy Nicotine gum, and a whole host of activities intended to improve themselves, break the habit, turn the corner, clear the hurdles, and get the proverbial monkeys off their backs. In some ways this frenzy of good intentions is a bit humorous, tied to the start of the new year and all. Why is it that January 1st evokes such a wave of well meaning misfires? Why not July 1st, or September 28th? Why not every day?

    I offer the theory that there is nothing special about January 1st itself, rather, it merely serves as a good place to play such a game because we like deadlines, love milestones, and look to build the drama of everyday events into something bigger and therefore more meaningful. We love the idea that we are actually going to take responsibility for outcomes and actually force ourselves to change – this time. Tradition also has its pull; we are convinced that because "everyone else is doing it" or "people have always done it," we should be participating too.

    Maybe it's unavoidable, this gravitational pull toward New Year's Resolutions. So why fight it? Perhaps the best course of action (and I can hardly believe I'm writing the words) is to line up with everyone else and set some 2011 goals for ourselves. After all, Rascals are all about growing and improving, and maybe it's just that this time of year is the one time when the crowd lines up with us.

    So how can we set goals that won't disappear faster than a politician's promise? First, let's cover the basics, which are given more depth of treatment in Orrin Woodward and my book, Launching a Leadership Revolution. 

    1. Goals must be specific

    2. Goals must be written down

    3. Goals must be set in stone

    4. Goals must be measurable

    5. Goals must be realistic

    6. Goals must provide motivation

    7. Goals must be in line with priorities and values

    8. Goals must be prominent

    9. Goals must have a specific time period

    And now for some subtle nuances that will help make your 2011 goals more achievable:

    1. Don't set too many goals. Sometimes we can overwhelm ourselves with too many things on which to focus at once. We want to loose weight, build muscle, stop a bad habit, improve in this area, move ahead in that. We take a look at ourselves and see so many areas for improvement that we are tempted to attack them all at once. Resist this temptation. Select one (or at the most two), and hammer away at it with all your ability. Focus is the key.

    2. Take immediate action. Goals are actually quite easy to set; the process is painless, quick, and costs nothing. Where the fins hit the water is when we take action toward their fulfillment. Action convinces our subconscious minds that we are serious. It begins patterns that can form into productive habits. So allow no time to lapse between the setting of a goal and the first steps toward its attainment. Remember: time kills all deals, and this includes deals you make with yourself. So get moving, and do it immediately.

    3. Set rewards and correspondingly deny yourself. One of the most effective methods for gaining leverage over ourselves is to set up a reward system that encourages correct and discourages incorrect behavior. (Also, it should go without saying that such a reward/denial system should align with the goals set.) For instance, let's say your goal is to lose that last 15 pounds. An action plan might involve joining a health club, working out three to four times a week, and managing your caloric intake. So far so good. The reward system might look like this: DENY yourself any baked goods whatsoever until Sunday, at which time, if and only if you were successful throughout the week, you REWARD yourself with a treat. Now, I am not a weight management specialist. Perhaps this is a stupid idea physiologically. I don't know (and I don't care). The point is that self-denial can be used to encourage correct actions, which are then rewarded in small but non-destructive ways. 

    4. Align your environment. Changing things in our inward lives almost always requires making changes in our outward lives. Much of the time our environment, if not entirely responsible, is at least an accomplice in who we are, what we do, and how we behave. If you hang out with a bunch of people doing a certain activity and yet you've vowed to refrain from that activity, guess what? Your association with those people is going to have to come to an end, at least in large part. If you're trying to lose weight but you hold your daily company lunches at Krispy Kreme's, you might want to rethink your geographical tendencies. You get the idea.

    5. Track progress. We need encouragement like a newspaper needs crises. One of the best ways to encourage a correct behavior in ourselves is to track and take note of progress, no matter how miniscule. Seeing improvement, noticing some advancement, are fuel in the tanks of self-improvement and change.

    6. Keep the big picture in mind. Most of our worthy goals are anchored to our ideals. Our new goal fits some higher picture we hold of ourselves and some loftier concept we'd like to make reality. Keep this in mind. View it continually and remember the deepest reasons for setting the goal in the first place. Remember: it's hard to get down when you're constantly looking up.

    So those are the guidelines and the nuances for goal setting. At a time of year when everyone seems aligned to better themselves in one way or another, there is no shame in joining the crowd (just don't get used to it). Sadly, though, you won't be with the crowd for long. They'll fall by the wayside like the wimpy kids at football tryouts. They'll set their goals and then sit their goals. They'll set high expectations and then sit down in the dumps. But not you. Now you are armed and dangerous. You've been given all you need to not only properly set a goal, but to hit it as well. I'll see you at the health club. 

     

     

  • This Blog Listed at Online Schools

    I would like to give a special thank you to Online Schools for selecting this blog to be among its ten recommended leadership blogs. May the students of Online Schools find something uplifting, encouraging, edifying, or at least entertaining as they join the readership of this blog. Lead on!

  • To Know and Still Glow

    She wasn't exactly keeping up with me. I turned, amidst the crowd, to discern why. A moment's glance contained the explanation: she was trying to walk on the tiles of a certain color while dodging the rest. "Do it with me, daddy!" she gushed. And I couldn't help but comply. It didn't matter that we were surrounded by a hundred busy travelers eagerly making their way around us in the world's busiest airport, this was one of those moments you just don't miss.

    On three flights she sat confidently in her chair awaiting takeoff while singing beautifully made up words and melodies. 

    IMG_1777 She also filled my head with questions. Most I would try to answer, until she dug deeper with "why?" and "how come?" Usually these were directed at the strange behavior of adults as seen through the eyes of a seven year-old, and, usually I was reduced to inadequate answers.  

    She heard things I'd long tuned out, saw things to which I'd grown blind, and discerned things that never would have occurred to my frenzied mind. She was bright, big-eyed, cheery, and alert. She was playful, positive, hopeful, and carefree. She was happy, inquisitive, demonstrative, and content. In short, she was everything the adults around her were not.

    Have we lost so much? I asked myself. The distance between her perspective and our adult reality was enormous. Sure, you could say, she doesn't yet know about how people can treat one another, how unfair the world can really be, how the pain of loss or tragedy can sting, how the hurtful actions of others seem to remove something from deep inside us that doesn't get replaced, how lies prevail on the open airways, how evil appears to flourish, how systems and cartels and constructs seem to grow in strength in conspiracy against the simple, good, and holy. She doesn't know about legal procedures, corporate hog-wash, fine print, buzzwords, punching a clock, political gamesmanship, back-channeling, gossip, back-stabbing, libel and slander, taxes, government scandal, and the encroachment of political correctness which is anything but what it suggests.

    Then it occurred to me that much of what makes her so alive is what she doesn't know – and therein lies the trick: To make our way upward in age without sinking correspondingly into cynicism. In essence, to know and still glow.

    I know God is on the throne. I have the true, deep joy that only faith in Christ can bring. I'm not talking about an absence of that (though I can't figure out how those without Christ in their lives don't fall into complete despair). Rather, I'm talking about the friction of adult living that sands the cheeriness off of us, dimming the brightness, suppressing the playfulness, and parking our light under a bushel. If only we could find a way to stay closer to that original spark of wonder and awe. If only we could retain a bit of that perky positivity.

    I don't have all the answers here, to be sure. Even considering that fact that I might be helplessly self-deceived (and who isn't?), thinking that I'm a pretty positive, fun-loving guy; that time with my daughter illustrated to me how far I'm removed from the best of child-like faith and wonder. So I thought about it, and then I thought some more, watching her. If I may be so bold, allow me to make some suggestions to us all on how to retain a bit of that childhood spark, or bring it back. Just because we are grown-ups doesn't mean we have to be shriveled-ups or given-ups. What if we all:

    1. Assumed that everyone we met was interesting and nice?

    2. Entertained ourselves with playful games and songs at the most inopportune times?

    3. Asked questions like we didn't know the answers, and didn't care who thought what of our questions?

    4. Smiled as a knee-jerk response to almost anything that came our way?

    5. Looked to each new person as a new friend?

    6. Got excited about approaching holidays?

    7. Gazed in wonder at something tiny?

    8. Gasped in amazement at something mighty?

    9. Giggled heartily at something funny?

    10. Cried sincerely at something sad?

    11. Prayed fervently for something only God could do?

    12. Told others "I love you" in heartfelt spontaneity?

    13. Tried to make up jokes for the sheer joy of seeing someone else laugh?

    14. Made sounds to entertain ourselves?

    15. Invented games out of the simplest situations and/or materials?

    16. Had a clear understanding of right, wrong, and fair?

    17. Had a strong desire for the comfort of family togetherness?

    18. Made crafts and art for the sole purpose of giving them to others?

    19. Had almost no consideration for the passing of time?

    20. Truly wanted to help those who are worse off than ourselves?

    Who among us hasn't seen the above behaviors exhibited by children? Better yet, who among us wouldn't like to return to at least some of them?

    Just because we're adults doesn't mean we have to act like it! We can know, we can grow, but we can still glow! It won't come naturally, but we can retain some of what they have to teach us even as we're so busy teaching them to be like us. Perhaps we should make it a bit more of an even, two-way exchange!

    (For these suggestions I'd like to thank my children, who provided them without having to say a word. You show me more about how to live every day.) 

  • Reading for Lifetime Growth

    IMG_1164 It was a book by Donald Trump I'd picked it up because I had a strong desire to conquer the "money thing." The best I can remember, it was the first book after college I read on my own compulsion. I wish I could say that it sparked a hunger for lifetime learning, but alas, either Donald wasn't that compelling, or I wasn't ready, but it accomplished nothing. Next I remember reading part of a book on US Presidents and their secret wars. Next came an insider's account of the Mafia. Broad, unfocused, and spanning at least a couple years, this reading was seasoned with a heavy dose of motorcycle magazines.

    It wasn't that I couldn't read. It wasn't that I didn't like to read. It was just that nobody, anywhere, at any time during my six years and two degrees of education had ever gotten it through my skull (nor even tried, truth be told) that reading is one of the most important habits for lifetime growth. At best, I considered reading to be a pastime, something one did on the beach, airplane, or at moments of boredom. At worst, I considered it a waste of time. What could possibly be beneficial about sitting around reading when one could be out doing?

    Then my business association with Orrin Woodward began and he and other business leaders taught me the importance of a self-directed education. I learned that the right kind of reading isn't a pass-time, but rather one of the best routes to fulfilling our natural hunger for gaining understanding, insight, and perspective. I also learned that although passive in appearance, reading is one of the activities that most awakens the brain, thereby ultimately leading the person to action – the best kind of action – the kind controlled by clear thought. In effect, reading correctly and with a purpose becomes a strategic weapon in a competitive world. Let's face it: it's the Information Age. Without the right information properly applied, one cannot hope to compete. There will simply be too many others willing to do the work to learn what they need to know to excel instead. In short, one of the biggest secrets to high achievement in life is to make reading your weapon of preparation.

    I could go on, but my goal here is not to convince you of all the advantages of reading. Instead, I'd like to draw a distinction for you: don't simply read, study. Here are some suggestions for making your reading much more effective:

    1. Read the right kinds of books, with the specific intent of improving yourself as a person. You can (and probably should) read certain books just for their entertainment value. But these should be seasoning, sprinkled in among the more edifying works.

    2. Read about both the principles and specifics in the area of your profession, vocation, or passion (blessed is the person who aligns all three).

    3. Read broadly across many genres. Allow me to recommend some categories: Leadership (of course), Success, Theology, History, Economics, the Classics, Politics and Freedom, Finances and Investing. 

    4. Be reading through several books at any given time. This keeps any one author's voice from becoming too tedious and extends the amount of time you can read and stay fresh and engaged.

    5. Devour your books. Underline passages, make notes in the margin, summarize key thoughts, outline important points in the blank pages at the back, etc. In other words, make the book your own. Adding all these markings draws a deeper understanding as you read the book the first time, provides a succinct summary to review before putting the completed book back upon the shelf, and makes future reference much easier.

    6. Ask yourself for each book read: What were the author's key points and how can I apply them to my life right now?

    7. Write the date you begin reading a book inside the front cover.

    8. Keep a journal that includes a list tracking the books you've read. Record the title, author, genre, and date you finished reading each book. This allows, in one glance, a quick indication of the size and scope of your reading.

    9. Promote books to others and help people solve problems and improve their lives by directing them to the books that have provided answers you've found helpful.

    10. Make reading a priority. Eliminate the 'good' activities from your crowded schedule and make room for the 'great.'

    One may be tempted to think that a list such as this represents a lot of work. I would like to suggest that nothing could be further from the truth. As the saying goes, "If you love what you do, you'll never work another day in your life." What you will discover is that reading of this calibre becomes an enjoyable passion all its own. That's because it will apply directly to improving your thoughts, knowledge, and understanding. It will increase your prowess and attitude. It will inspire you to dig deeper into mysteries and areas totally dark to you previously. One great book will lead to another. One deep insight will lead to further break-through thoughts and distinctions. Reading to the point of study will become a habit for lifetime growth, and a sustainable advantage few will ever match.

    You don't have to believe me. As a matter of fact, I don't expect you to. If you are anything like I was as a young man, you've dabbled in a book or two and can barely relate to what I'm positing in this article. This is one of those things, however, where "try it, you'll like it" rings true. Dig in. Start reading with a purpose. See for yourself how it develops into a passion. Watch the progress you'll make in life. Not only will you be hooked – you'll be hooked up. You'll be joining the "great conversation' among the strongest thinkers, the deepest probers, and the loftiest dreamers of the human existence.

     

     

     

  • The Pursuit of Happiness

    Happiness-hands "Don't make that face! It might freeze that way!" It's a silly little thing parents say to kids. We've all heard it. Even as children we knew it wasn't true. But now I'm aging and I realize something profound: it was true! There are lines in my face representing the most dominant facial expressions I've been making all these twenty-nine years, and from the looks of it, I've been spending a lot of time making a lot of faces! I guess I should have listened.

    I saw her in an airport. I surmised her age to be somewhere in the late sixties or early seventies. I tried to stop myself from making the observation that was unavoidable. After all, I knew nothing about her or the life she had lived. I had no concept of the heartache, difficulty, and trouble that might have dogged her throughout her days. But one thing was clear to me: she had spent a significant amount of time scowling. So much so, in fact, that her entire countenance was now permanently wrinkled into a mean and angry expression. Everything seemed to be perfectly aligned to present the idea that she was totally ticked off! How unfortunate for her that whatever combination of circumstances and her reaction to them had produced what apparently was a habit of unhappiness. She had made a mean face often and for a long time. Now, before I go any further, allow me to dig out of this hole in which I've put myself. She may have been perfectly happy. She may have been entirely nice. She may have been the greatest woman walking the planet. All I'm saying is that her face showed signs to the contrary.

    Wouldn't it be nice if the inevitable aging process instead froze smile lines on our faces; if our most dominant facial expression indicated happiness and contentment? To me, it seems, that's precisely what most people wish for. In fact, throughout my life, I've noticed that one of mankind's highest aspirations is to "Be Happy." If you observe how people behave, they do a lot of what they do in order to make themselves feel happy. I've had more people than I can remember tell me, "I just want to be happy." There are songs that tell us to "Don't Worry, Be Happy," people wish each other Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays and Happy Anniversary and we read in story books how they lived Happily Ever After (and we suspect they lied). Our nation's founding documents promise us the right to a "Pursuit of Happiness." Everything seems to be focused on this concept called happiness. 

    The strange thing is, however, that most people seem to be terrible at predicting what will make them happy. They chase after this thrill, or that one. They rearrange their lives around a new job, a new challenge, a new relationship, a new hobby, or a new anything else. It's this next thing that's going to make them happy. "As soon as" they:

    1. get into college

    2. get out of college 

    3. get married

    4. get divorced

    5. have kids

    6. have the kids move out

    7. make it to the weekend

    8. go on vacation

    9. get out of debt

    10. get that promotion

    11. get that recognition they think they deserve

    12. get that new car

    And the list goes on. But how often does the attainment of the items on this list actually make someone happy? How often are people right about that next thing producing happiness in their lives?

    Answers to these questions have launched researchers on quests for many decades. There is even a strange sounding "Science of Happiness" category in which behavioral "experts" dig into the components of happiness. Predictably, however, these experts can't come to an agreement on just what comprises happiness and what produces it over the long term. There are many interesting theories.

    One theory posits that happiness is like Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Like a pyramid with the most essential elements such as food, air, water, rest and sleep at the bottom, once those needs are met the next level is safety, including shelter, security, protection, and stability. Once those needs are met the next level is love and belonging, comprised of family and friend relationships. Higher still is self-esteem which includes achievement, status, and responsibility. The top is the high-sounding self-actualization, which is made up of fulfillment, self-sufficiency, creativity, morality, and authenticity. Ascending this pyramid supposedly makes one more happy. 

    Another theory says we are happy when we have the perception of control over events, paired with a noticeable amount of progress in our endeavors, along with a connectedness to others, and finally with a vision toward something of higher meaning than ourselves.

    Still another one gives the memorable phrase, "Someone to love, somewhere to go, and something to do."

    Yet another says happiness comes from three levels; pleasure, passion, and purpose. Purpose being the most important, pleasure the least.

    Aristotle said, "happiness is the only thing men desire for it's own sake," meaning, everything men desire they desire because they think it will produce happiness. They are all secondary pursuits to the main goal: happiness.

    Happiness, as indicated by the wide range of theories and humongous amount of focus placed upon it by seemingly everyone (even those who don't seem to be happy unless they are unhappy!), is important to us. It is behind nearly everything we do. It drives us, motivates us, and dictates our behavior. It's just that it is mostly beyond us. We cannot obtain it from direct pursuit.

    So how do we obtain happiness?

    I have said that the only way to BE HAPPY is to GIVE HAPPY. This, of course, is just another theory to be tossed on the pile with the others. But I have found it to be true. Whenever I am serving, giving, and loving, I end up feeling happy. Whenever I get out of my own little world and seek to get into the world of others, I seem to feel happy. Whenever I forget all about my own happiness and get committed to helping make others happy, I find that happiness boomerangs around back to me. On the contrary, when I do things to make myself feel happy directly, at best, they are fleeting moments of shallow happiness, not the lasting, deep, meaningful happiness for which our hearts truly yearn.

    And that brings me to my point, the making of which I trust will bring you happiness, but perhaps not as much as when I bring this article to an end! Nonetheless, I bring you to this: happiness, despite all the indicators and theories and focus, is not our true goal. We only think it is. 

    Blaise Pascal, the seventeenth century French mathematician, philosopher, inventor, and all-around smart guy, once said, "There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus." 

    I used to hate "God talk," "Churchianity," and "Religiosity." I didn't want anyone talking to me about their religion or beliefs or anything else where they had something figured out that I didn't. During this same time, however, I was chasing one thing after another hoping to find happiness. I was on a mad dash for a finish line with no banner, grabbing at smoke, trying to catch happiness and nail it to the wall like a trophy. None of it produced happiness. I was on an endless chase. Like the dog who caught his tail and didn't know what to do with it, I was terrible at predicting what I needed. When I got what I thought I wanted, I found out I didn't really want it. All the while the answer was there before me. I had been created by a loving God and was built to find my rest in Him. I could run, I could hide, but my heart would bear me out: there was no happiness in the things I thought would make me happy. There was nothing but theories and the next thing to pursue.

    I can't write about happiness without unmasking it for what it is: a fickle flirt. Happiness is a temporary feeling that comes and goes. It teases us into wasting our time and energies toward its attainment, when all along It is not our highest aspiration, though we may think it is. What we are truly seeking is deeper and more permanent than happiness: what we are truly seeking is something called Joy. You will hear that term mentioned often during this Christmas season. It is not a synonym for happiness, but rather the actual article for which happiness is a mere impostor. It is the true object of our hearts, and as Pascal states so eloquently, it can only be found through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. In that condition, our existence makes sense, our heart finds its true longing, our soul finds its rest, and our whole being is flooded with the joy that only He can give. Joy doesn't come and go based upon circumstances. It doesn't rely on a situation or outcome. It is deep, permanent, divine, and lasting. It is also what we've been searching for all along.

     

     

     

  • Caption Contest 2010.7 (Scam Orrin Woodward and Me out of a free book!)

    The long awaited next Caption Contest is here! The winner will receive an autographed copy of Orrin Woodward and my book: Launching a Leadership Revolution (for free, as in nada, nothing, zippo, we'll just give it to you! Now that is no scam! Just make us laugh the hardest and it's yours! Oh, and, of course, should you already own a copy of Launching a Leadership Revolution (as, of course, you should) we'll instead send you an autographed copy of the RASCAL book. We'll leave it up to you. Just make your caption a good one!)

    Ninja-kid

     

     

  • Genteel Back-Channeling

    Images Teams are endlessly interesting because they are made up of people. People, as we will learn throughout our lives, are mind-bogglingly complex. First of all, we get to deal with the two genders. Then we get to deal with those who are single and those who are wed, those who’ve been widowed and those who’ve been divorced, those who have children and those who do not. Then we find that people come from different cultures, speak different languages, and worship in different ways. We also discover that there are personality types or temperaments. Additionally, we are told that there are various natural “love languages.” Then there are the youth and the elderly and the rest of us in between. Also, there are those who like the New England Patriots, and those who don’t. But there is one more variation among individuals that I find worthy of mention, and it is this: how they behave when dealing with others.

    Working with other people takes a special skill. It requires emotional maturity, patience, acceptance of others and their views, flexibility, the ability to listen, a certain degree of humility, the ability to influence, and the need from time to time to apologize. Some people tend to get pushed to the side in group settings, while others tend to do the pushing. Interactions vary according the an infinite number of combinations of the factors described in the first paragraph above. But there is one tendency, call it a trait, if you will, that is supremely destructive to human interaction and certainly to the functioning of a team. Some call it Passive Aggressive behavior, but when one reads the clinical definitions and professional opinions associated with that term, it doesn’t quite fit what I’m discussing here. Nope. For our needs, we’ll need to invent a new term. Let’s call it:

    Genteel Back-Channeling

    Just what exactly is Genteel Back-Channeling? It’s the behavior of a person who is genteel in public but acidic in private. He or she will not confront the person with whom there is a problem, but will tell others all about it later. Genteel Back-Channelers are masters at involving those who are not part of the problem nor part of the solution. They expand the circle, so to speak, amplifying the problem. They throw gasoline on a spark instead of water. This type of person is conflict-averse and gossip-prone. He or she won’t handle issues head-on and out in the open, but rather will “back channel” by trying to build up a coalition of people who “side with their view” through whispering campaigns in the shadows of the hallways. These people are political in nature: they play games and keep score. They generally get their feelings hurt, carry grudges, pout, and assign motives to the behavior of others. Genteel Back-Channelers can make the best of first-impressions but are usually marked by a trail of relational wrecks behind them.

    How can you spot this behavior? Here are some signs:

    1. “Hey, can I speak to you after the meeting?”

    2. “I didn’t want to say this in there, but, . . . .”

    3. “Do you agree with what Bob said? I”m not so sure  . . . .”

    4. “Can you keep a secret?”

    5. “I love Bob to death, but . . . .”

    6. “I didn’t tell Bob this, but . . . .”

    7. “Bob’s a great guy, has some great qualities, it’s just that . . . . “

    8. “I don’t think Bob knows how the rest of us are feeling . . . .”

    9. The “silent treatment”

    10. Acting like nothing is wrong in public when they’ve said negative things in private.

    It is important to understand this type of behavior because Genteel Back-Channelers appear nearly everywhere groups of people work together. Rare is the team or organization that doesn’t have at least one in a position of influence. To have a highly functional team, however, Genteel Back-Channeling cannot be allowed. Otherwise, factions will develop, relationships will be damaged, political games will be played, and what happens “behind the scenes” will trump anything that happens out in the open.

    So what do you do if your organization, team, work group, or (swallow hard) family has someone or several someones demonstrating Genteel Back-Channeling behavior?

    1. Confront the situation head on, in love.

    2. Give clear guidelines for acceptable behavior, but also for those which will not be tolerated. Make sure the whole team understands what’s expected. (For the correct way to confront issues and resolve conflict, see my friend Orrin Woodward’s blog.)

    3. Pray for the offending individual, and for a sweet spirit in yourself as you deal with him or her.

    4. If destructive behavior persists, remove the individual from the team or group. This will often be difficult, but entirely necessary. A dysfunctional team is no team at all. In some cases, you will simply have to disassociate with the person.

    5. Check yourself against this kind of behavior and make sure your own example is beyond reproach. If it hasn’t been, apologize and seek forgiveness. 

    If you have ever had the great fortune of working on a highly functioning team of people, you will know there are very few situations more fun and exciting, or more productive. But such a special situation can be utterly ruined by one person with that dangerous blend of pride and cowardice; the Genteel Back-Channeler. Like a little bit of arsenic in a batch of brownies, it doesn’t take much to ruin the chemistry of a team. 

    There. You can’t say you haven’t been warned. (Just don’t tell anyone who told you. It’s just a secret between you and me. I love those other people to death, but . . . .)

  • Working at the Roots

    Work Bob mopped and mopped but couldn't seem to make any progress. The water just kept flowing, flooding his laundry room and seeping out into the rest of his home. Nearly exhausted, mops soaked, water still flowing, only then did Bob consider the source of the water. A quick inspection revealed a split pipe just below the sink. With decisiveness and speed, Bob turned an upstream valve and stopped the flow of water. Within seconds the stream of water that had previously been constantly soaking the floor dribbled to a stop. With one last mop Bob was able to eradicate the last spilled water and remove the final traces of moisture from his laundry room. Shaking his head in wonder, Bob couldn't believe how the pressure of the emergency had distracted him from attacking the problem at the source. He was only glad his wife had not seen his hour-long dance with insanity!

    The above is a rendition many have used to illustrate the fallacy of becoming distracted by the symptoms of our problems instead of focusing on their root causes. This succinct parable is so simple and so obvious that we think it could never happen to us. Of course we should turn off the source of the water. Who wouldn't? But yet the world is full of people chasing symptoms and ignoring causes. Entire industries exist to treat symptoms, convincing people that they are at least "doing something" about their problems. But we must develop the belief that problems can be solved. It is not enough to be "doing something," we must learn to do the correct things.

    Leadership success is largely dependent upon the leader's ability to think through situations and arrive at root causes. In short, the best leaders identify problems, then solve them.

    Let me say that again: the best leaders

    1) identify problems, and then

    2) solve them.

    This makes perfect sense. It is obvious. It is so simple that a grade school student could understand it. But don't rush past the seemingly elementary. Stop and consider that very few people ever develop the ability to identify root causes. Even fewer learn to solve them. But solving problems largely stems from properly identifying their root causes. Therefore, put enough energy into step 1), and you're well on your way to accomplishing step 2). It is for this reason that a leader must have the discipline to do the hard work of thinking through the tough issues in order to define them properly. Thinking of this type is hard work, and, as Henry Ford once quipped, "Thinking is the hardest work there is. That's why so few people engage in it." But a leader does not have the option of avoiding this difficult work. In fact, this IS the work of a leader. 

    What are the top five problems assailing you and/or your organization at the moment?

    Have you done the hard work of (continually) thinking through these issues?

    For each, have you identified the root causes behind the aggravating symptoms?

    Are you expending resources and energy fighting symptoms that only appear to be causes?

    Problems can be solved if and when they are properly identified and confronted head-on. Learn to work at the roots and the leaves will take care of themselves.